The Truth will set you Free!

Hello friends

I want to share my journey with you in hope to inspire others.

At first, i was a fairly slim kid, then i got chubbier as i grew. I was never hugely overweight when young, and even when i left school i was 64 kilos. I am 160cms so i had a bmi of 25, but i thought i was huge! I met my first real love at 17 and was married at 18, way too young to know my own mind, and he had a stroke probably due to working with chemicals but it could never be proven, and being kids we really didnt look into it. All the ensuing stress caused me to become anorexic and i remember being 39 kilos at one stage. I can still see my mothers face looking at me, in the way only a mother can, worrying in silence, not knowing the right words. My mother was not, and still is not, a hugger, or an emotional woman. She is a good person but not warm and if you kiss her she is awkward with it, that will never change its a life long thing. I held most of my pain in during those hard times and tried to cope with all the ensuing dramas of my then husbands health, and i really needed help but just couldnt ask for it. Maybe it was pride i dont know, but i drowned under the weight of responbility I know that. Life became a daily ritual of eating an apple and a piece of steak every day, thats all i would allow myself. sometimes i only ate half the apple. everything was so out of control, i just wanted something that i could choose. In the end the marriage broke up but i carried, and still do, the weight of guilt that i couldnt do more, be more for him. I still have nightmares about that time in my life, but im used to them now, they are like an old friend.

I think the only person who ever truly knew what was going on in my life was my best friend, who later became my current husband. He would come and do things like mow my lawn and help me paint the bathroom, you know the pracitical things of life. He was the one who saw the real pain and the awful temper tantrums and rantings of my ex, i hid them from everyone else.

I have a beautiful daughter, she is 21 years old. She has been a picture of health all her life and a joy and pleasure to be around. she is the light of our lives and her personality delights everyone she is around. I am very proud of her.